The Lazy B*tch Mother’s Day Guide:


Internet – I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Moms are really, really easy to please – ESPECIALLY once you’ve left the nest and don’t have as much time for them.

Now, of course – this doesn’t mean show up with a load of laundry and a half hour to spare. But let the less informed keep the overcrowded, pedestrian brunches and I’ll teach you how to make her year for around a hundred bucks and a day of quality time.

First things first. How well do you actually know your mother? For better or worse, mine and I have been attached at each other’s hips once I exited the hellhole that was puberty, and thus I’m basically an expert on shit that makes her happy. Outside of puppies, hot British actors, and vacationing in Europe – the woman likes to relax her ass off with a martini or a glass of wine somewhere pretty and/or at home. Easy enough.

So, what next? Wine, check. Outdoors? Yeah – check the weather on that one. This year it’s meant be pissing down with rain so it might have to be an indoor affair instead of the local vineyard picnic I had in mind, but that’s alright.

More than anything – gifts, locale, drink of choice – the most important thing is to actually talk about what’s going on in your life with her. No “Yeah everything’s great.” answer to “So, how are you doing?” or “I’ve just been super busy – you know how it is.” cop outs. Share your life with her. I think it’s easy to shut off  more intimate lines of communication with a parent – they’re not usually the first ones we call when something exciting, terrible, or entertaining happens.. and that’s fine. But consider this day the once-a-year mother & child BFF gab-a-thon and spill ALL the tea and drink maybe a LITTLE too much if that’s what you need to lay it all out there and reconnect.

For some of you, maybe that just means catching her up on your week. But I’m going to bet there’s a sizable amount of people who need to do a decade’s worth of personal debriefing and if not now, when? I understand that not everyone is super close to their mom, or maybe doesn’t have them around anymore. But Mother’s Day isn’t just about a biological connection, and I’d urge you to reach out to whoever that maternal figure is in your life and see what they’re doing this Sunday.

As for logistics – like I said, simple. Good wine/booze/charcuterie, a Pinterest perfect presentation complete with nice china and beautiful flower arrangements if you’re fancy, and TIME, baby!

Since my boyfriend’s mom is really mom #2 to me, we’re doing a joint Mother’s Day celebration at her house. We’re bringing all the party supplies/decorations, food/booze, our undying affection, and of course – a few gifts. Do whatever you feel is appropriate, but let me speak for women everywhere when I say no one wants an Edible Arrangement unless they ask for it verbatim. That shit is grossssss. How about a little piece of sentimental jewelry? Her favorite eau de parfum? Something related to her profession and/or hobby? Think a little. Make it personal.

In summary – my advice is largely this:

1. Save the whole day for your mom. Duh.

2. Buy a bottle of Veuve/Moët/Something Nice, chill it, wrap a nice ribbon around it, and place it in a pretty ice bucket.

3. Serve with crystal flutes or coupes because that woman carried you around for NINE months and is worth more than IKEA glassware. You know better. (Bonus points if you’re less lazy and have custom glasses made for you and her on Etsy beforehand, for future catch up sessions!)

4. Reconnect with the literal only reason why you’re here on earth.

That’s it! Simple, right? Now, go out and make some memories. (Oh yeah – bonus tip! Photos! Polaroids for extra nostalgia points.You’ll love looking back on them later. 💕)


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